RSVP - It turned out to be an exclusive invitation!

Don't all go at once to Eatopi, specifically avoid Saturdays.

Since starting to document my weekly dinners, I have fallen prey to some bad habits. Obviously, there is a natural tendency to eat abusively, because I was constantly putting myself in environments that are conducive to eating excessively. After all, fortuitously, we do have access and the means to eat at some great establishments. The healthy relationship between the person and their anatomy cannot be compromised. Not consistently anyway. I wanted to pen down some rules as we continue this path. Limit the number of tasting menus to one per month. On nights when we dine a la carte, restrict it to two starters, one main, one dessert for two people. When I put it down, it feels awfully little but it had to be done to do justice to spending hours in the gym. If I had learned anything from my vacation is that the point of doing this is being able to do it for a very long time. If I continued my consumption spree – I’d peter out much like any common virus. Much worse, I might fall out of love with dining out. Then I’d have to find something else to pour myself over.

Right. With that down lets get down to RSVP. What a silly name. Imagine advertising the restaurant, you are bellowing out “please respond”? It wouldn’t make sense for the people who understand the words. If the objective was to just signify their French aspirations, why not call it “Baguette” or “Croissant”. What about the Japanese influences? Maybe add “Arigato Gozaimasu” or RSVPAG to mean “please respond, thank you”? That aside, the location is pretty good, parking aplenty. During Ramadan it is absolutely swatting flies inside. Not literally, just a figure of speech. I firmly believe this restaurant / café belongs in DIFC, but it helps me, a sober, bitter man, that it is in Jumeirah where there’s nobody.

Only after reaching the restaurant did we realize, we had already been there once. A long time ago perhaps, but we had certainly been there. We found where we sat earlier, we could have sat anywhere but the kitchen in the restaurant. That told me two things 1) This is an extremely forgettable restaurant 2) I am an idiot for making reservations about two weeks earlier. The restaurant is still unfortunately one that hides in the shadows. For all the good food, it struggles to stand out. I want to assure everyone that doesn’t mean there needs to be Brazilian dancers doing pirouettes every night. It just means that they need to do more with the food and definitely work on the value side because I found the prices comfortably extortionate.

Business during Ramadan is clearly a down time for the restaurant. It must be very gloomy to come in everyday and not having a thing to do. Reminded me of Clerks (Movie Recommendation 1994). But they did a classy thing by offering us some yoghurt, dried fruits. I certainly don’t need it. I wouldn’t have missed it. But they did it anyway, that deserves praise.

Our starters on the night were tartare and escargots. The inviting presentation of the tartare was exciting. The generous portion of the beef didn’t go unnoticed. I don’t mind when people don’t fuss about mixing stuff in a bowl in front of me for a tartare experience. I like me some premade tartare. There’s a bit of green apple in there for some sweetness with the caviar offering up some nutty notes. The whole thing was a bit rich. The bread however was too soft. I think they ought to have crunched up one side of the bread. Missed opportunity at an open goal.

I was looking forward to the escargots, I always do. The utter insensitive fat to flavour ratio was quite offensive. You had to pull out a microscope to witness any flavour on the molluscs. While I liked the idea of scrounging a baguette for some bread support, it couldn’t salvage the dish. I was cleaning out the snail plate to find every last ounce of the sauce. I have rambled on, but the starters were average. They should have (s)nailed the combination, they left a lot on the kitchen table it seems.

On to the mains, we had asked for the Rib Eye medium rare. We had also asked for the potato gratin as a side. They smashed it. The Rib Eye cooked beautifully and served with a tangy green peppercorn sauce. The distinct fruity vegetal peppers offered immense contrast to the fatty beef. The tangy sauce was also exceptional and worked perfectly. The gratin does what its supposed to be – offering carbs, cheese, and texture. RSVP reined the dinner back in control.

For desserts they bring out a dedicated menu on which the top two are not available. This isn’t unpardonable, Ramadan, I guess we have to cut corners somewhere. We landed on the raspberry crème brulee. While we were expecting a petite dessert, they plopped a tray with the biggest dessert in all the land. Daunting at first, we ploughed through it rather quickly, to my embarrassment. That was an obscene amount of dessert to go through. The consoling staff member said “Yes, yes, everybody says it’s a large portion, but they all finish it because it is so light”. There is kindness still in the world.

The cost of this lukewarm affair is ±$200. I think that is not representative of the experience. I felt mugged, kind of. But it was a good time overall and I didn’t mind the sedate ramadan driving all that much. I am also forgiving myself for having forgotten that we went there a while ago. It is rather forgettable, this time too.

Random Discovery - One of our only good friends, whom we are actually comfortable admitting is a friend, works at Kitopi. She had alerted us to a new venture called Eatopi where they showcase some of the popular Dubai based restaurants and incorporate in the menu one or two of their popular dishes. While in my younger days I loved going to food courts, where the options distracted me from mediocrity, I have grown to resent the commoditization of food in that sense. I have also grown to resent the food court restaurants who just mushroom around malls and ration out food. But Eatopi is different. It is like a co-working space for Dubai restaurants where everyone plys their trade without competition. Just the fact that this is one restaurant is helpful to reduce “foodcourtness” of what it is. Without alcohol, this is what Time Out wants to be. We ordered a bunch of stuff and everything was top, even the wretched Mexican salad. If this continues, it will be a routine joint for Saturday lunches till the end of time.